Comfort

Over the weekend I spoke at Our Saviour's Lutheran Chruch in Stillwater, MN. The church is doing a book study this month on my book Believe. During the question/answer time, I was asked, "How do we comfort others who are hurting?"

This is the number one question I'm asked when I go out to speak for different events.

My response was, "There has to be more than lasagna."

I quickly clarified that meals are a very needed and appreciated gift. But, what happens when the meals disappear and your heart still hurts? What about a year after loss when you really need to talk to someone but feel like people expect you to be better? What about the random days when you feel alone but can't really explain what triggered the loneliness. Of course you know the reason, but not the specific reason for each and every breakdown. What about the day you wished just one other person in the world remembered. Maybe it's a phone call, maybe a card, maybe a hug. 

I believe the best way we comfort others is to be there. To truly, purposefully, intently, daily be there.

I'm intrigued with this topic of comfort. Please share with me what has comforted you the most on your darker days. I would love to hear from you this week!

Comments

[Shelly McMahon Linskey]

In the numbing hours, days, months and years since my husband's death, countless friends and family members have provided for the physical needs of my family - meals (I never thought they would end - my kids were begging me to please cook something!), a cleaning woman (stress reliever and time saver!), babysitting (all 4 kids!), even significant financial help so we could stay in our home. But who could truly give comfort to my heart? Who could help heal the hurt? For me it was the Lord. The best gift a friend gave me was an hour a week babysitting so I could go and sit in the Blessed Sacrament chapel in the presence of our Lord and cry, journal, pray, and ultimately be strengthened for another week. Time hs brought healing and peace from the Lord.

[Bonny]

Hi Jennifer,

there was a point that you brought up in your book? I think? About your new friend being "willing to be uncomfortable." I've rolled that thought around in my head ever since I read that. It challenges my idea that some people are just better at reaching out to others, or comfortable doing so. Maybe some people are, I don't know. But maybe most of us are not, and the ones who do reach out and comfort others are just willing to be uncomfortable.

What comforts me the most? My kids, usually. They are funny and brilliant (of course!). Rereading books that speak to my heart. Maybe mostly just knowing that tomorrow is a new day, with the possibility of something good.

[Roads]

Fresh air and exercise were the best physical comfort I found.

Sex and mashed potato might have come close, but fortunately it was difficult to conjure either up at a moment's notice.

The best support I found from friends was to treat me normally, and to be understanding on those occasions when I didn't (simply couldn't) return the compliment.

[megan]

This is a good subject, Jen and one I've thought about when those I love have lost someone or are going thru a rough time. When I'm feeling down, it has helped me to just get an e-mail or a call from a friend who says, "I was thinking about you and was wondering how you're doing." and then just listens.